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confession #000015

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Wednesday, 6 February 2013

confession #000015

... or, happiness is in the heart of the beholder

this is actually something i've just thought up.

i'm living in a country where the average woman's waist is somewhere around the 23'' and the average woman is as tall as steeples so my mediterranean curves stick out like a sore thumb despite the lack of height. i do notice that i am seen as somewhat alien. it is obvious to the community i'm trying to infiltrate that i'm a foreigner and much as i try to speak the lingo, or dip-dye my hair blonde, i will still remain different.

not that i mind being different after all. at least, that is what will make me unique. but being different at times makes you crave a certain belonging to the 'norm'. and when the 'norm' that you behold is pretty much uniformly beautiful, it can make it more difficult to accept your uniqueness.

i'm not sure if my embarking again on a strict calorie-controlled diet and regular exercise (as soon as this silly cold lifts off - promise!) is triggered by my wanting to 'belong here'. i know i want to be healthier. i know i want to be in the best shape i can be for my self and my loved one. i know i want to fit in my clothes properly. i guess these are all triggers. i know i want to be happy in the skin i live in.

most of me is happy and feels blessed at all that's happened in the past year and a half of my life. but there's still that little - albeit terribly vocal and irritating, much like a chihuahua - part of me which is not. and it's all because i don't feel happy in my skin. one day. i know one day i will be. i just have to be strong.

2 Comments:

At 7 February 2013 at 19:32 , askdorianne.com said...: finally you're back!!! i had been checking this space for your latest posts...and finally the confessions are back! ;)

dor xx
http://www.askdorianne.com
At 7 February 2013 at 19:38 , Unknown said...: i know it's been a while ... but it's been a very tumultuous -and life changing - while :) thanks for following dear xxx

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