confession #000011

... or, of tears and countdowns

a few days ago i let you in on something that is somewhat marking my life at the moment.  today, my dearest one left the rock to further his studies in krakow.  needless to say, it was a most heart-breaking parting, but deep down, i could never force him to stay on against his will.  supporting your loved one in following and ultimately achieving their dream is one way of showing just how much you care, i figure.  tears flowed on and off throughout the rest of the day, and the customary migraine ensued ... 

having said that, our being miles away from each other does not mean anything.  a good, strong relationship can outlive any form of distance or obstacle.  

and besides, in 4 weeks' time exactly, i'll be spending a week of blissful catching up with my beloved.   and it definitely won't be my first and last visit.  4 weeks seem far away right now, but a countdown to them is what will keep me going.  

in 4 weeks' time, i want to land in krakow looking my best and feeling my best for my loved one.  in the last weeks (if not months), i've tortured him with constant complaints about how i've put on weight, how my face is a zit field, how my clothes don't fit as they once used to (as in, when we started dating) and how i just couldn't look at myself in the mirror (read: oven door, as i actually don't own a full length mirror at home!) any more.  in the most loyal, supportive and caring manner, he kept telling me that i looked great.  

much as i appreciate his support and positive remarks, i keep feeling like i let myself go.  sometimes, it is inevitable and no one can dissuade me from finding sharing a tub of haagen-dazs or ben & jerry's in bed at 3am a most intimate and loving moment.  fair enough, there has, at this point been one tub too many, considering that my former "fitting comfortably into a zara size 36" has been converted to "suffering to get into a size 38" ... 

and so, the countdown begins.  given the emotional roller-coaster that today was, i allowed myself to indulge in a few "bad feel-good foods" but not any more.  tomorrow, i shall eat sensibly, hit the gym and start re-applying all the creams and lotions to make my problem skin a thing of the past.  tomorrow, i shall start counting down the days to when i land in krakow and the grammes off my weight and inches off my waistline.  tomorrow is a new beginning.  and this time, it is definite.  

and of course, getting something from the lana del rey / h&m collection is an added incentive ...