confession #000073

... or, mondays should be renamed diet days 

it's the start of a new week, and with every start of a new week comes the start of a new diet. or, at least, the renewed efforts of dieting, unequivocally triggered by guilt-trips from the weekend's binge. show of hands all those who are in the same place as i am! 

following my return to krakow last wednesday for my last month here (excuse me while i start the waterworks again) it's been a bit of a whirlwind time trying to catch up with all that there is to do or see in this city before i leave, while at the same time playing tour guide to a friend visiting from the motherland. this has somewhat wrecked havoc with the dieting efforts i sort of managed to keep while i was in malta. lunching and dining out most of these days, i couldn't calculate the number of calories or grams of fat i was ingesting. in all fairness, i could have controlled my choices: a greek salad would have been a wiser option than a zapiekanka ... but then again, i'll have to wait till my october holiday here to enjoy one again.  carpe diem and all that.

so i found myself on this monday morning, blue for another busy working week, blue for yet another day crossed off in this temporary and blissful residence here, and blue for the clothes that don't fit well and my being undesirably bloated. so what do i do? i make a list of reasons why i should stick to the diet once and for all: 

i want to be healthy 

as i inch closer to my 34th birthday, i realise everyday more that (a) losing weight while in your 30s is really as difficult as it is touted to be and (b) i'm not getting any younger, despite my peter pan complex.  life keeps getting busier and more stressful, aches and pains start becoming more frequent as do the excuses not to go for a jog or do some crunches.  just before my 30th birthday i had a mantra that went on the lines of 'the only round thing i will have this year is my age' and it bloody well worked.  i was exercising like there's no tomorrow and had the healthiest diet ever in my life. lord knows, i even went ahead and had a photo-session to celebrate that!

ricotta and chickpea salad.  because when i'm good, i'm very good.

i need to re-learn how to say 'no' 

there was a time when i could resist a glass of wine, a pint of beer, a slice of cake or the post-lunch/dinner block of chocolate 'to end the meal with a good taste'. while i do occasionally manage to graciously turn down any of these when they're offered by others, in an effort to appear tenacious and strong willed in my quest, i just do not know how to say no to myself.  yes, there have been days when dinner was a huge bar of milka chocolate instead of a proper meal.  and yes, i'm social-media-shaming myself on this, because this.has.to.stop. 

there just isn't enough pasta in the world for me

i want to wear trousers

real trousers, that is. chinos with those tiny waist pleats, jeans with actual zips and why not the high-waisted options currently in vogue.  as trivial as this may sound, it is very upsetting to me that my pant options have become limited to jeggings and leggings.  as comfortable as they may be, i absolutely loathe them.  for me, they are reminiscent of those 'mum jeans' from the 80s where comfort was paramount and any semblance of style was foregone.  i like to be comfortable, mind you, but i feel more comfortable when i feel i look (at least close to) good. comfort in one's own skin is more important than comfort in one's clothes.

i want to have options

this is on the same lines as the previous reason.  for a couple of years now, my only dress / skirt options have been fit-and-flare dresses or skater skirts.  i can't remember the last time i wore something remotely tight around the thigh-tum-bum area.  loose-fitting tops, as on trend as they may be, have become what i 'hide' in ... much as i used to do when i was a 10 stone heavy teenager.  being this obsessed with fashion and personal style i feel i am limiting myself and that is why, as a reward upon reaching my goal, i promised myself a designer creation, whatever the cost.  and it's going to be a figure-hugging one at that - after spending so much on such a dress, i won't have the courage to grow out of it by indulging in chocolate and beer! 

i won't let happiness be a reason to let go

being in a happy relationship, where your partner sees you in the same rosy light whether you're dressed to the nines or in your mis-matched pj's doesn't mean you have to let go.  comfort and intimacy with your loved one can lead to a more 'relaxed' approach to keeping yourself in top form - and the nights spent watching movie after movie on the sofa, blissful in each other's company, tend to lend a helping hand in adding the unwanted pounds.  much as comfort in one's own skin is more important than comfort in one's clothes as i said before, it is even more important for being comfortable around others, especially your loved ones.  

so that was it, dear readers, the monday rant is over.  as i sip my slimming tea which i laced with fresh mint leaves and a slice of lemon to mask the otherwise atrocious taste, i want to believe i'm back on the dieting / fitness track with a vengeance.  my last weeks here in krakow, shall hopefully lead to more physical activity in an effort to gearing myself up to the four month membership i've already taken out at my favourite maltese gym. i won't promise i'll return to the rock half my size but at least i hope that my luggage will be more overweight than i am!